Twenty two years of my existence yet another Valentines Day awaits me. Oh yes it’s the love month already. I bet there are already a few who are ready to the firing squad. While there are still bitter hearts out there who are sad, full of hate and regrets. February can be a good month or bad month. If you are single, you need not to skip the 14th of February. Treat this as a “single” blessing. Everyone experienced being single. Somewhere in our lives there were occasions when love & relationship were nowhere to be found. Being single is not a curse for one to carry. It is even a privilege and an opportunity. In this phase, one can improve one’s self in preparation for relationship.
When I hear that “day” then, I’m kinda excited even if there’s nothing really much happening in me every time that occasion arrives. I barely remember what’s the best valentine I had since I can’t even think of something that is nice about it for everything that happens on that day is quite the same as normal days of mine. But for single like me, Valentine’s Day is just any other day, without any bitterness and defensiveness at all. :) I know my time will come, I know he will come, in an amazingly unexpected way. :) But since it’s “the season,” you just cannot really avoid questions from popping from nowhere! Hahaha
Okay, I admit it. Every time I know that occasion is coming, I’m thinking of chocolates, flowers, restaurants…you name it. Things that I never experienced myself on that day…ever from a special someone. I’m a little dreamy about it which made me realize that oh…I’m still really a person. Haha! Duh! :P
Honestly (and being true to myself), I already know the answers on those, that is: it (still) depends on me. I don’t know, was really single all my life, had a couple of sort of love related experiences in the past, and I knew of the feeling- it was indeed cloud nine feeling. It’s such a nice feeling waking up realizing that there’s someone waiting for you to wake up, asks if you are okay and is willing to end the day with you, and will choose to start another day with you.
Even if I haven’t experience having that “special” person on such days I’m still excited just hearing about that day. I love watching those people doing surprises for their lover, or when I saw a guy holding a flower and those people selling those flowers. Seeing those things that makes me happy and ‘kilig’ made me thought of my “kagwapuhan”. “Kagwapuhan” is the name I call to my special guy whom I haven’t found yet. Weird me! LOL :))) I kept thinking with those what ifs and then it made me realized something. It made me more excited to wait for ‘him. It made me more excited to wait for that February month that he will finally arrive. I don’t care how many valentines I should wait but if ever I had someone special “special” to spend that day, it must be him. I will not just wait of course…I’ll do a lot of things while waiting :). To be honest, I’m not yet ready to face him now. I still need to work out on a lot of things.
It may seem to sound to old-y, conservative-ish; I would prefer to have a serious relationship, someone I’ll spend my future and infinity with. Someone who will never give up on me, who has the persistence to win my heart. I’m not playing safe, nor being too serious, it’s just that relationship for me is something long term(ed). If I would go into a relationship, I want to feel that, that person sees himself spending the rest of his life with me. I’m not being too in hurry or anything, but it’s very important that you know where you stand in someone else’s life. And now that I’m exploring and still testing the waters, I can’t clearly see and/or feel yet what future brings in to me.
Part of me also fears. Fear that the person will hinder me to do things I love doing. Fear that he might not be supportive of me. Fear that what I like doing is something he’s not interested with. And lastly, I fear that I might completely head over heels fall inlove with him, that I’m willing to give up my dreams because he said so. I’m afraid that it might happen, because certainly, it’s not something far from happening. I’ve listened and read a lot of stories like these.
I hope the fear part will all be gone soon, and I pray that someone will be brave enough to make me feel safe. I can marry him now if he’ll explore the world with me, LOL just kidding!! I believe that life partners are blessings and one of the best gifts that God gives to us, aside from our lives. And I do hope and pray that this person deserves all my love to him in the future.
A simple note, you don’t need that special someone to make you smile but it is a magical and amazing feeling that there’s someone really cares for you. If you can’t make yourself happy then how can you be assured when the right man comes, you can also make him happy??
As an add-on note, LOVE YOURSELF. It’s the best thing you can give and do for the meantime. Stay positive and good luck to us in finding the right man of our dreams.
HAPPY LOVE MONTH! I may be single this season but I’m not lonely! Time to enjoy this love season w/ my cray cray friends and family! Have a love-filled day everyone! ☺