Everyday, everything feels new. It is like a new stage. It’s like a roller coaster of different levels – it gets freaky when you’re about to fall from a high point yet you still have fun in the end. But at some point, some days are like songs you once loved to sing however now; you wished you never knew the words.
I hate change. It takes a lot of time and effort for me to adjust to new things. Ironically, despite my apprehensions, I usually end up embracing whatever it is that took so long to get used to. It’s a bad cycle, really. I find it difficult to accept a new situation, but sometimes this difficulty is what eventually makes it all the more endearing it to me. And by the time I need to move on from it, I find myself unable to let go and unwilling to face yet another version of my life. This is why I’m frightened of things suddenly changing around me. Can be somebody or something. The knowledge that I will surely make it through brings me little comfort.
I never wanted to be at this point, who else wants to be? Right? I dreamed of happiness and felicity for everyday, every minute or each single seconds of the clock in my life. AM I SOUND BORING EH?? Hahaha Honestly, in everything I do, in everything I chose, I always first ask myself, “Do I want this?”, “Will this makes me happy?” or “Do I need this?” if YES, I’ll embrace it wholeheartedly with open arms meaning I’m ready enough for the consequences, for the pros and cons of whatever it may bring. If NO or MAYBE, I’ll turn it down and move on to the next.
I am not bragging that I can make up my mind fast. That I can visualize what may happen or which is black or white…..In fact I replay every detail that can help in my decision making and to tell you, ITS HARD, SOOO DAMN HARD!!
Sometimes life has its own way of unfolding things in time you wouldn’t expect it to be, for you to clearly understand the events. One day I feel happy, next day happier, the next day bad, then badder and then you’ll assume tomorrow will be the worth-est. But life sometimes fools you! You silly kid! You saw sunshine and rainbow eventually. Lalala~ Life’s good in a way, SEE?? Life is awesome. It makes you awe in things or people every day. It can be a good one, a success or triumph then it turns into awww suddenly, which is bad, sadness or failure.
TO MYSELF, hang on in there, it’s what you chose, this is what you wanted and needed some time to recover…what I’d rather know is how you can manage to have your whole world turned upside down without feeling anything… perhaps, things will get better. :)