It is so hard to feel okay, to look okay and to tell yourself everything’s fine and cool when it really is not. There are days when I’ve just given up on myself, given up on all of this, given up on everything that used to matter. I give up because I’m tired of fighting, tired of pretending it’s OK, tired of believing that there are winning moments to wait for. My life lately is a bit of a blur. I don’t know where to go…what to do…what I want (to be)… It’s really darkness. I see most of the things in obfuscate way now, unclear and not pretty in sight. One day I just knew, that maybe after all the crying and backbreaking, it’s still not good enough. I viewed my way in a vivid positive manner; hence, I shall not fear nor cowardly carry off stuff. I know that there is a bigger story beyond this, that there is so much more bound to happen, that one day I’ll know that I did the right thing. But for today, just for today, I give up. Days have passed, occurrences were in existent, but compare to other days I had throughout this living, nothing was perfect and nothing did ever come grand. Consequently, I thought, perhaps, I expected gigantically good is going to happen and by which circumvent me afterwards.

I give up today, and hope that I have hope for tomorrow.

“Sometimes there’s airplanes I can’t jump out
Sometimes there’s bullsh*t that don’t work now
We are God of stories, but please tell me
What there is to complain about?
When you’re happy like a fool, let it take you over
When everything is out you gotta take it in.”


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