Downfall

As it grew dark and the world around fell to slumber I found myself consumed by all the thoughts I have to push aside in the light of day. With my attention no longer set upon my priorities, the dark seep in from every dark nook and split to surround with taunts designed to pull me into a downward spiral.

So here it is – the restlessness – only because you’ve run out of options to distract yourself.  This time, I want to see how long I can go teasing myself with the idea. Why did you think about it anyway? It only came into mind just because you’re running out of things to do. We have the tendency to self destruct. We are like walking time bombs, threatening to explode with the slightest hint of nostalgia.

At this very moment I am supposed to be thinking about something else, but may I just ask have you ever considered yourself stupid? Have you ever felt useless? Have you ever thought of just quitting? Do you ever get confused sometimes about where to place your emotions? Why do we always have a “somewhere else I’d rather be”?

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I’ve never realized it until now, but there’s something about roller coaster of emotions that intrigue me. I know that this could only mean one thing: I am in search of solace. Where do I find it? Is it in the person you love? Your family? Friends? In coffee? Cold bed? In an empty room?

Sometimes I wonder, in my search for solace, who will come with me, when they all have somewhere else they’d rather be?

All these thoughts are running in my head. I just wanna shout it all out to release my anxiety. But will I ever feel better if I would entertain such thoughts? I don’t think so.

I try to shake them off, these black wisps that claw at my heart and mind. I’m exhausted, and I know that I should be asleep. I have things to do tomorrow. But the dark of the night brings about a quiet that seems to open the door to them. I find no escape.

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