Always Behind the Curtains

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Since I was young, I’ve never had the confidence and strength to solely present and perform in front of many people. I can do it if…I am in a group wherein I know there are a lot of us that’ll perform and people wouldn’t even bother to focus on me. My self-confidence was really not sky-rocket high. I always thought about the ‘what ifs’, ‘what if I fall?’, ‘what if I screw the performance?’, ‘what if I embarrass myself?’ That is the reason why that whenever there are plans or presentations in school or work, it’s either I will not join (if possible) or will just be a part of the team who manages of the props/technical/costumes/planning. That’s why all my close friends know that I am a shy girl. When I’m starting to discover what college life is, I don’t even know how to commute or ride a public transportation I only just know if you give me directions. I don’t know how to cross the street where there are fast cars crossing the road. I don’t even order food in a fast food chain. Look! How pathetic I am when I was brought in this reality called LIFE during the starting days of my college years. Thanks to my friends especially to my bestfriend for spoiling me. Teehee :) Good to say, that now I am not a little kid anymore I am able to learn things and get used to it even though sometimes I look like a stupid lass. Those are some few reasons why my close friends and family always sees me as a fragile girl.

I have no legit talent. I envy those who are really talented! The singers, dancers, artists, writers, athletes…and many more. I’m not tone-deaf. I don’t have two left feet. I don’t waste paint and papers. I don’t suck at sports. I can actually sing, dance and draw like a normal person. Haha! In a not looking-like-pathetic-annoying-frustrated-singer-dancer way but I am not a master of any among things I’ve mentioned. I am MASTER OF NOTHING! I really enjoyed sports…Tennis, Badminton, Swimming and Volleyball. I don’t get hit by the ball or hit my opponent while playing. Actually, when I was about 6 years old my dad enrolled me to a gymnastic lesson. I can do it then, not now I’m not more flexible than I was before, not in a professional and competing level. I love sweating and working up my muscles. I used to do morning runs if I was able to wake up early or if I’m pumped up to burn-some calories. :) I don’t know why? Or maybe it’s just the boy side of me. :) Anyway, I can do a lot of things but I’m just ordinary. There is nothing to brag.

So, what I just want to say is I envy mostly…..everyone. Like when people tell me something about themselves specially their talents, I just find myself, “Wow! You’re so lucky. (In my mind) I, on the other hand have no talent. Yeyyy me! Lol :) I want to be really good at something. Something I can brag and be proud of. But my lack of talent and ability hinders me to do so. And, now I’m ranting it to all of you. This obviously won’t make any difference. Haha! A lot of people say that I just don’t see what I can do but I’m not belittled and underestimate myself most of the time.

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