What I learn about Love when I’m Not In Love

“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” –Fred Rogers


Yesterday, my cousin texted me and asked me to help him in his Research Project. Of course, I said Yes! and he texted me the questions I need to answer by Agree or Disagree. There is one question that struck me, What is your opinion about unconditional love?‘ I honestly had to Google the meaning of unconditional love because I am not sure if the meaning that I know, really is the meaning of it. Luckily though, it is. :) I remember back in first year college, we were taught the four kinds of love? affection, friendship, romance, and unconditional. These aren’t really the terms that were originally said by my philosophy professor, but I guess this can do the explaining. Unconditional love usually is thought to be altruism or mother’s love, as what I have researched. Well for me, unconditional love is giving what you want to give without asking for anything in return. It’s hard to actually not expect anything, or just be happy seeing the one you love happy—but that’s it! That’s unconditional love. You give it because you love the person, and seeing the person happy makes you happy…even with or without reciprocation.

So, let’s go with the main topic here as you can see on my blog post title. :)

Love is a strange and beautiful thing.

I always thought I knew what love meant. I grew up hearing the words all the time. It was on TV, in books and magazines, and people all around were saying it.

It’s quite interesting what I notice upon seeing other people in love when I’m not drawn to the emotion. I just can’t help but observe (and question) a few things.

1. Wisdom guides relationships. It’s the anchor that tugs on the ship when it’s about to tread on stormy waters. The happy couples I know always do what’s best for each other, even if it requires making sacrifices or serious commitments.
2. Soul-mates exist, but it’s not the best case for everybody. At times, a more beautiful love exists outside that assumption. I’ve seen couples break these barriers, and they’ve been happily together the day they took the plunge and said good-bye to their comfort zones.
3. Romantic love is, in a sense, selfish. It feels good to be loved. It feels great to have someone who appreciates you and sweeps you off your feet. What happens, though, if the circumstances don’t remain the same in the future? What if the other person just doesn’t make you happy anymore, or when you don’t feel the connection you felt when your eyes first met? Even though you loved this person immensely, and have so many good memories with them that seem like they could never make sense when your partner was out of your life, you will forget who the two of you were together. In practice, you will become strangers again. You just know true love abounds when it exists outside dreamy, rainbow-filled circumstances. And that’s okay, because you will fall in love again.
4. Everyone’s a fool when in love. Being in love means constantly being torn between feeling like you’ve known this person forever, and you’ve just met them for the first time this morning. There’s no doubt to what extent one would sacrifice as two hearts beat as one. No one is exempt from it, and frankly, the world runs on it—the abundance or the lack of it, thereof. And because it is powerful, it would be fitting to not give it away to just anyone.
5. One can’t fully love another if one hasn’t fully loved himself. Sometimes without realizing it, you are capable of becoming extremely dependent on someone else’s approval and affection, to the point where you don’t know if you will still be yourself if they are not in your life supporting you. People must accept that they are deserving of a love that’s true and beautiful. Upon doing so, they avoid falling in love for the wrong reasons. Some settle because they want acknowledgement and comfort, and because they believe they’re not enough, and they want someone to tell them that they are. It hurts to not love yourself, and it hurts to settle.
6. Love loses its splendour when it is rushed. Slowing down. I believe in the concept of love at first sight, and I do. With that said, I also believe that some love affairs take off way too fast and create a runaway love. People tend to awaken love when it’s still not harvest season. They act on their feelings too quickly, barely making time for friendship to blossom into something beautiful. Just because our society is shifting to a fast-paced world doesn’t mean the way we commence relationships should be the same. I have friends who experienced the quick and burn relationship that starts off at rocket fire and then quickly burns out. We see it happen in local or international every day. And, in rare circumstances these relationships work out, but for the most part, long-lasting relationships are built over time.And, according to some of my guy friends they are not used to hearing, “Let’s slow down.” that it take a bit harder to them than girls do. I didn’t generalize that all men are alike but maybe that’s my friends opinion so I respect it and I did somewhat understand that the male ego can be a fragile thing.
7. People are too keen on looking for the right people when they’re still a mess. I think the problem a lot of people have is that they’re searching for that perfect person, when the perfect person does not exist. I’m not telling you to settle, I’m just saying – there’s no such thing as perfect. Wouldn’t that be an injustice to the ones they find? Why must they expect too much from others when they can’t live up to their own expectations?
8. What happened to the classics? I mean, who doesn’t want to be serenaded once every-so often, or be danced with or be written a sincere, heart-felt letter? Who cares if the grammar is terrible? Who cares if singing to a loved one ain’t popular anymore? Much luster has been lost since technology made everything easier, but I’ve always admired couples who did things the old-fashioned way. Which brings me to my next…
9. Couples allow society to dictate what goes on in their relationship. Some people might not approve of your relationship — for legitimate or petty reasons — but it likely won’t matter. Certain things influence people’s perception of the kind of love they want to have, and sometimes it’s not the right kind of pressure because it works from the outside-in. Although influence may be healthy, there must also be principles that govern the relationship, ones that work from the inside-out.
10. True love gives back. There’s a kind of romantic love that shuts people out. Some people tend to think that it’s always ‘them against the world’. The challenge today is forming the kind of relationship that not only contributes to the well-being of the two parties, but also to the world around them.

The above are just my two cents—descriptions—of whatever is going on in our generation today. There may be pockets of genuine romance despite the circumstances, but in general, this so-called ‘love’ isn’t as romantic as it used to be.

It’s very easy to get caught up at the beginning of a relationship, especially when you click with someone. But, there is such a thing as moving too fast. You’ll serve your relationship better if you take it at a slower pace and don’t let it become a runaway love.

In the future, I may not be exempt from this, but I have God to thank for letting me see, and allowing me the opportunity to share my thoughts with a few good people who stumble on this blog.

Stay Inspired!


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