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My lovely boyfriend and I celebrated our first anniversary. Today is one of the best days in my life. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY! I’m proud to say that we have made it already this far. Because staying in a long distance relationship is very hard for sure.

It seems so unreal. Knowing that I’m still together with someone who’s not with me for months, physically. 1 year. 1 year I’ve been praying for peace of heart and strength. It’s not easy, it’s still not easy. It’s not easy when the one you love has to be far away from you and it’s not easy when you see other people have all the time in the world to be physically close to their loved ones. When I think about it deeply, I realize that my relationship is composed of messaging and 30 minutes to 1 hour video call. That’s what I have. It’s more of dates over FB Messenger, chatting with him and making kissy and huggy noises over a phone call when we both say goodnight to each other. It’s not exactly the ideal relationship someone wants, but that’s what I have.

Distance isn’t meant for everyone. It’s not easy and a lot of people give up. I’ve also heard so many times that it can break a relationship more than it can make it. Not a lot of people believe that it can work and not a lot of people would be willing to take this risk. But for those who experience the latter, they know what strength is, they have a great understanding of patience and a deep value for time. It’s not just about the distance, it’s also going to be about the time difference, the need for internet connection to communicate (cause I’m pretty sure international text is going to be a killer) and our patience for and with each other.
4e16319f4126cc498d0316b73743e8d5 It doesn’t stop me from believing that this can be different. I guess at the end of everything, I don’t really see the distance, because all I see is the other person at the end of all the kilometers and miles that separate me from him and to know that I still have a clear vision of him at the end of everything, it makes me want to do whatever it takes and whatever I can to go through with this.

So I’ve been with John for one year already and we’ve experience being apart for several months. It hasn’t been easy, and I can’t stress that enough.

But, this is the choice I make to love him every day. To pick up the phone and message him good morning or good night. To remember that he’s the first one I can still call when things go bad, when things go good. To ask him how his day went. To see his face and laugh with him. That part of the relationship is actually pretty easy, keeping him in my life.

Not easy is seeing couples hold hands and knowing I can’t have that. Not today, not tomorrow, not next week, not when things go good or when things go bad. I have to wait and be patient until the next time that I can hold his hand, which is the next time that we see each other, it makes it all the more meaningful the next time. You don’t know what it’s like to go through the joy of seeing him and dreading the start of the countdown. Day 1, and the next day inches closer to the day you have to let him go again.

Most times the situation challenges you to your limits and makes you want to give up. It makes you ask so many questions like why do I have to wait for someone like this, am I ever going to be with this person, how long is it gonna take before we really end up.

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Fortunately, my luck falls on John and the kind of man that he is. If he wasn’t the one I was going through this hell-hole with, I wouldn’t have made it to 1 year of long distance. BUT (yeah, big but), I’m happy and it’s been worth it. He’s been worth it. Especially when you see that through all your weaknesses and failures, his love still preserves and he always chooses to see the best in me when I forget to see myself that way.

We’ve been realistic. We know that there’s still a lot that can happen to us, especially since we still have our lives ahead of us. A lot of things have changed through the course of our relationship. We’re not rushing into anything, to be honest. We both know that right now we love each other a lot to keep ourselves committed to one another, but we will not, in any way, sacrifice the dreams that we want for ourselves.

So we’ve actually been good at this. We’re both balancing out ourselves and the relationship and we give each other time to breathe and do our own things, live our own lives while we’re both away from each other. Most importantly, we support each other grow on our own and discover new things and abilities without the other, as well as discover new things we want and new things that could be in store for us. We never pull the other down; we both know that we plan to be together, just not now. Right now we have ourselves. Right now we have months of being independent and we want to maximize that for ourselves before entering into a really serious commitment (which is marriage duh #letsberealhere). We’re both really happy. We’re not holding each other back or denying ourselves the little bubble of happiness we get from our relationship too and that’s been the best part and that’s why it’s all been worth it.

I have to get by September, October, November, December and only God knows how many more months in 2017 till I can see him again. But I guess no matter what happens in our relationship we’d both love to see each other again and again and we both know that we’ll always love each other.

And we both trust in that.  I just hope that, that will be enough to keep us together.

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So, right now, I want to thank my boyfriend, John for never failing to make me feel like a princess every single day even though we’re thousand miles apart. You’re the most dependable, most protective, and most caring guy. In spite of my nonchalance and occasional air of ungratefulness, please know that I appreciate all this, that I appreciate all of you and that I wouldn’t have it any other way with anybody else. I’ll always stick around with you. For 1 year we shared a lot of great memories together and I will forever cherish them. Cheers to more adventure, more crazy and unforgettable moments together. I wish I could spend our day with you.

So love and enjoy the distance that you have instead of complaining about it more than you appreciate it because the more you complain, the more it causes disdain. And stress and pity-partying and just everything else that could break a perfectly good relationship. Be more appreciative and forgiving and everything will be alright!

I’ll see you soon baby. I love you and miss you always!!

Found. YOU. YES, YOU

In times of nothingness I have found you. You’re in between the thought of a stranger to me and someone I knew. Nonetheless, you are considered a blessing and I hold that idea with me. How can someone be so gentle? I have known you so little yet it meant a lot, considering you brought something out of me I thought I no longer have. You say every day might be short-lived but yet again you always remind that life is surreal. I recall the date I have my first date with you and it was pretty awkward. But, t’was something you don’t really get a lot. You and I both, we were a complete mess. I couldn’t hide my imperfections and I thought, “Way to go for a first impression?”

It feels nice to be treated well by someone most especially if both of you feel the same way, that even if you don’t say it, it radiates. No matter what you do, you can’t just hide that certain chemistry. You know it’s sincere if you’re not expecting something in return, it comes out naturally, and you don’t take credit for any of those gestures. I still prefer the unconscious effort more than anything.

Your presence felt like home and somehow, in all the silences, awkward pauses, and unexpected laughter, I feel the safest. In every instance of you holding my hand and me, leaning towards the familiar crevice between your neck and your shoulder, there is a warmth that reminds me of a place I often connect with accepting hugs and cozy blankets.

You never fail to make me laugh, despite all our troubles. You seem to know everything that’s on my mind. You serenade me with your gentle ‘I love you’s and ‘I miss you’s. You always know when I need you. You say that you’re mine, forever, and that you’ll never let me go. You tell me that my eyes shine brighter than the stars in heaven, and all those profoundly-structured compliments. You bring all those romantic movie scenes to life, and built me the perfect love story. You seem to make me want to run away and leave everything behind. You make my life seem like a dream.

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You. Yes, you.

And cherish the moments you least expect to happen. You take it all in like as if you know so much but not at all. You experience the most unexplainable feeling yet cannot put them into words. The uncertainty of what is happening makes everything beautiful and even if you try to grasp it and keep it, all you can do is inhale it and let your heart fill the emotion.

People with good effect within us don’t come by often, for all I know it’s one in a million. Even though things will eventually fleet or chances are it will fade away. I couldn’t thank this moment enough for making me feel okay. With that being said, I say cheers to all the little good genuine feelings you gave me. :)

Happy 182 days baby! I love you!

Today You are You: My 24th Birthday Post

“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you! -Dr. Seuss”

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As you all know (or not know), I’ve turned a year older today. I feel so old already! But then there’s also that part of me still feels like I’m 12. Anyway since I’m 24 now, this calls for a self appreciation post (wait, that sounds conceited haha) so let me just share random facts about myself! In lieu of this, I’ll bore you (or entertain you, or inspire you) with a few thoughts and insights I’ve come to believe and value. Do read everything, as you might feel the same way. (or against it, in which case I’d rather you don’t mind this post at all).

On weird food choices and quirks. I mix my sundae and I don’t stop until the fudge and vanilla have really combined (most of my friends are grossed out by this). I’m really big on dessert combos. I’m a big fan of throwing [things] together—so if I’ve got a cookie, or a brownie, or whatever, I grab that, grab some ice cream, grab some sauces and whatnot. Most people go for the single dessert; I’m a fan of mixing it together.

On folding, rolling and tearing papers that I’m holding unconsciously. It’s habit that I’ve noticed way back in grade school. Whenever I have any kind of paper in my hands, I find myself folding and rolling it then tearing it into pieces. That’s why Starbucks and DQ staff give me strange looks whenever they ask for my receipt.

On trying all Pocky flavors. I can’t even count how many times I’ve professed my love for Pocky and how different the ones made here and made in other countries and from the one made in Japan. There are only about 100 flavors of Pocky in Japan and I’ve had about 20 flavors off my list so good luck to me!

On being active in social media. Take away my TV, deactivate my Facebook. I don’t mind. But I just need to be updated with my WordPress, Twitter and Instagram. It’s a thing.

On lesson I learned in college that I will always be grateful for is learning how to cross the street. I very rarely commute so the biggest obstacle I faced in my freshman year (aside from math) was crossing the street. But eventually, I learned to do that on my own after constantly being dragged by my friends or holding tightly onto the handle of their bags.

As much as I love dressing up, nothing beats my big worn out shirts and cotton shorts. Home clothes are awesome and it’s when I’m wearing them that I feel most like myself.

I’m a big Disney fan. I was a Disney baby, a Disney teen and now that I’m 24, a Disney adult. I still have Disney princess theme songs saved on my iPod.

I can get extremely talkative at times. In general, I don’t talk very much. Most people tell me I’m reserved and sometimes too quiet or shy. I’m usually like that to people I’m not that close to. But to certain family and friends, there are times when I talk like there’s no tomorrow.

I’m a goody-goody and bit conservative. More than I’d like to admit, I guess. My friends label me as the “good girl”. I rarely drink, I’m uncomfortable wearing really, really, really short shorts and people tell me that I’m always proper and poised.

I value loyalty the most. It takes a while for me trust and really get close to other people, but when I do, they have my loyalty for all eternity (woah, big word haha). But seriously though, loyalty is so important to me and it’s something that I value highly.

On academics. Knowledge per se isn’t what I’m after. To me, it’s learning that is essential. There are plenty of ways to learn: paying attention in class, participating in an org activity, conversing with my friends, or even observing other people do something insanely ridiculous. I don’t mind opening myself to new experiences or making mistakes, as long as I learn from them.

On friends. Sure, having a lot of acquaintances may seem like a breeze, but having truly good friends is rewarding for a lifetime. These days, I make it a point to strengthen my relationships, and value the people who bring out the best in me and who truly care for me. Now, I’m pretty sure I have a good idea whom I’d like to keep for the rest of my life.

On relationships. This particular aspect of my life is on hold now. These days, I choose to discover the world and see it through my eyes first before I engage in a relationship. I don’t see why I must not wait for the right time to allow myself to fall for someone. I couldn’t bear to see myself hurting and suffering like plenty of other girls because they failed to realize what they were giving up, and how it wasn’t for the right reasons. It pains me to see that the world’s becoming more and more dangerous each day, and I couldn’t seem to trust myself with just anyone. Nevertheless, I still look forward to the day I’d start feeling butterflies in my stomach, the days I’d listen to every love song and enjoy every moment of it, the days I’d feel light and let my heart flutter, the day I’d tell myself that I’ve finally found someone and that I know we’re meant for each other. Wenk, I know, cheesy. It’s hard to stay on track, it’s constantly a struggle, but I know it’s worth the wait. One day, at the right time, in God’s will, I will find my prince who’ll never gives up on me and loves me unconditionally.

On my country. Boy, did I use to hate the Philippines. This year, I had a number of realizations, which collectively became an epiphany: I couldn’t be happier and more proud to be Filipino. Although I was never a patriot, I learned so much about the country this year. It sucks that other people don’t feel the same way, though. All they could think about is how pathetic the government is, and how bad this country is, and how they want to get the heck out of here one day. I’m not saying it’s their fault, but I hope they’d see the light, just like I did.

On God. There simply are no words to describe how much I’ve grown to love Him more and more each day. Growing deeper in my faith is more than merely a something religious, it’s a lifestyle. My relationship with Him is a foundation, an investment, and a gift.

On joy. Scrap temporary happiness. I’m talking about true happiness, I’m talking about joy. Nowadays, I tend to sacrifice a few temporary happy moments for life-long, memorable ones. Meaning to say, I don’t live for the moment just because the moment feels fun; I live for the sake of living a life worth living for.(Oops, I hope you got that. Lol)

On being more selfless. Can you count the number of I’s I used in this blog post, and the number of I’s you say every day? Precisely. We live in a world with a self-centered philosophy, and I’m just sick of how I’d grown to love myself too much. It’s about worrying about not having something new to wear, or complaining about not being able to drive yet, while other people don’t have money for clothes or transportation to begin with. Therefore, I impose on myself a paradigm shift.

On life (as we know it). Everyday brings about a new set of accomplishments and disappointments. I look forward to each day, no matter what the outcome may be. Life’s such a beautiful gift; I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t have it. I will live my life to the fullest and ain’t no one’s gonna stop me. Hence the term YOLO—in its purest, most innocent, and most beautiful sense.

On being 24. I know, I’m old. I don’t have a wish, I have a dream, and my dream is to inspire.

So, shall I live my next few years on this planet the best way that I can? Challenge accepted.

I challenge you to do the same, too! :)

So there you have it! Things I learned and discovered about myself for the past twenty-four years! To celebrate my birthday, together with my family and sister’s boyfriend we just had dinner over small talks. Must done something right to deserve the best people in my life. Thank you to my family, all the friends and relatives who greeted me on my birthday. Thank you for making me feel special and loved on my day! :)

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Birthday dinner. So happy to spend my special day with my family. :)

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Just few of my birthday greetings! Thanks so much friends and family. :) I appreciated you guys so much! <3

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I may not have everything I want but I’m happy that I have everything I need and much more. I am thankful for every day that I get to wake up to, for the time being lent to me to love and care and be with my family, for all the blessings that I can share to those who need them more. I am blessed and I am grateful in every way.

I am young and I can do so many things, and one day I will be as great as I imagine myself to be. I will never stop trying. So help me, God. :)

Quality over Quantity

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Because the hashtag #happynationalbestfriendday is trending on the social media sites I make this post for my oh so awesome and cray-cray bestfriends and friendships out there.

In life we will come across so many people in our lives, and some think that the more friends you have the more popular you will be and the more better you will be, and that is wrong. You can have so many friends, you can hundreds of people being your friend and some people will be more concerned about having quantity instead of quality, well, that should not be. Before, it mattered a lot to me about having many friends to hang-out with. I used to think that, it was great to be known for having many friends. But I realized that as days go by, this big number of ‘friends’ gradually diminish. It is filtered and just like filtering, only those who are pure and real gets through.

I’d rather have a few friends who will be by my side, to back me up, and to support, love and appreciate me for who I am. Everything should be mutual when it comes to friends. It takes two to tango and it takes both to be the backbone that keeps the friendships up. Aside from having the complete will of these people who prefer to stay with me, I still choose who are those worthy of staying in my life. It does take time to get to know someone, and friendships and good friendships take time to build. So you build your trust in accordance to how someone is, their actions, words, kindness, their honesty, their loyalty and the way they are to you and how they treat you.

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And now that I’ve got the good set of individuals. Few friends I can trust, depend on and share stories and things with, rather than having hundreds, that will only be there part time and not full time. I can say that it’s not always the number of years you’ve been together, but stickin’ to each other during the gloomiest and deepest shits of our lives.

I want the best for everyone, and I am speaking through experience. I’ve been burned so many times from fake people, I’ve been hurt, but all it takes is opening up your eyes and being more aware of peoples actions.Just take your time. There is no rush to friendships. You will find the suitable people for you. It will take time and effort, but never ever think friendship will never happen for you. Just believe in yourself and know that there are types of people for you that are suitable. Just relax and take it easy.

Don’t you worry, don’t you worry, child

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After hearing the Swedish House Mafia hit for months, one line in particular stood out to me. I’m sure they didn’t plan for their song, Don’t You Worry Child, to inspire a blog post, but it did. The line above struck a chord with me.

When things go my way for more than 24 hours straight, I can’t help but feel like I’m going to explode with optimism and straight up good vibes. I called it a lovely day! A day that I really can put my tonnes of work aside and don’t have to think about them. This is going to be an amazing year, and somehow everything just seems to be falling into place.

Nothing significant happened, specifically. Not to me, anyway. But all I can think of now is how all the signs seem to be screaming the same thing, and despite my doubts, I am absolutely drunk on giddy positivity and excitement for what the future holds.

Is this what it feels like to be absolutely hopeful? Because it feels really good, and I would love to feel this way more often.

Happy Birthday to ME, Rockin’ 23!

Two decades and three years living in this world, I learned a lot of things already and still willing to learn more fell down, stood up, fought and still fighting. It’s a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

According to all the documents I have, it’s my birthday today! And yes, indeed, it’s my birthday today. A year older, a year wiser and a year of new things. I’m so excited to indulge. I don’t usually get goose bumps or awesomazing excitement during my birthday, but when I do the feeling it won’t leave me, and I do swear that my birthday today is really awesome. Though there are a lot of things that came up that made me think deeply and engaged into quick decisions (serious decision making, not the ones that I’m taking on to harder thinking while in the shower – ’cause I’m making life decisions inside the shower), I can say that it’s still a lotta fun. Hands down, it’s currently the title holder for “The Best Birthday Ever”. Tomorrow, I’ll be out of the country…my dad’s birthday gift to me to celebrate summer fun with my family, since I passed my boards and my birthday is hitting on, but I’ll back in Manila after a week. I promise I’ll update about my trip when I get back. Vacation mode!! I’m soo excited!! :))

Nonetheless, I have come to realize that I’m not getting younger and moving to the next chapter is a must and the best way to do. I’m so blessed that there are people who, through these years, keep it all up and remain my good friends and showed and still showing their love and concern for me, and by that, I’m really thankful. I’m really really happy to celebrate my birthday with the presence of the fast internet connection, in front of my laptop writing this post, a bunch of good books, my dog and crazy, funny and adorable family and friends. I’m so blessed to have a not so perfect but awesome family, that every time I need them, even if I don’t say anything, they’re just there and willing to give all of them just to make me happy, just to make me feel comfortable and make me feel that I’m great. I’m so happy to have my wonderful grannies with me; they’re just there willing to support me all throughout.

As I take on another year in my life, there are a lot of things that will change, but of course, all of those changes will be for the best. As the Lord give me another year to live, I will make everything worthwhile and let go all the grudges and restart everything so that it would be a prosperous year for me and for the people around me. I know I have made a lot of mistakes and that’s how I learned everything. That I needed that to improve and be better. I’m taking the added year in my life in great manner and with full of conviction, this is me going to be matured about stuff in my life – in all aspects of it. This is me, concentrating on the present and what I have right now, getting ready for the future and letting go of the past but surely learning from it.

A big THANKS to everyone who has been a great part of my year and I will surely see you all around as I take on this life a year older. Same old-funny-shy Cai as always but definitely letting go of those nega-mean-girl-childish spree. We learn, we take on and move on…And yeah, this isn’t just luck, this is God’s will.

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I’m sincerely touched with the greetings and messages I received the moment I woke up this morning. ♥ :) I also received greetings from people I didn’t even imagine remembering my birthday…or probably Facebook had to remind them. Haha. Even the simplest of things make me happy. Even if your greeting was a “Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V” greeting, I couldn’t care less. I’m still thankful since they took the time to greet me through wall posts. I got extremely kilig’, thanks to my friends who called earlier just to greet me a happy birthday. I want to jump up and down and go inside the line to reach the other line just to hug, kiss and thank you guys! :* :) I still can’t believe that you guys exerted sweet efforts to greet me; I do swear it really matters and well appreciated. And thank you also for all the cyber greetings, hugs and kisses on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. :) It is just so priceless that I couldn’t grasp enough air to say thanks and I couldn’t find the exact words to express and to extend my more than thankfulness aura to everyone who greeted me today. I must not shed a tear. T_T

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Thank you to everyone who was became a part of my birthday. Thank you to those who were a part of my previous year. As I ended that 22th episode, I hope you’re still gonna be a part of this fresh new chapter. I wish I could get the chance to hug all of you ’cause you made my day extra special.

And if anyone of you is celebrating his/her birthday too… Happy Birthday! :)

With that being said, I bid you adieu! Need to pack my things now because of my out of country trip tomorrow and see you after a week! :)

My Sunday Note

I lift myself to You. 
I may want things but You know what I need. 
I hope for some things to happen, but your will shall always keep me on the right track. 
I come to you, through thick and thin. I was may be lost sometimes. 
Or be with the wrong people for a time but I never had regrets. 
I learned. I now understand. 
Continue leading me in the right path. 
This time, everything’s gonna be different. 
Everything’s gonna be alright. 
I just want to say THANK YOU for what you’ve done, because I know there is still more to come. 
You never let me down. 
When I fall you reach my hand, and you lift me up to higher ground. 
What more do I need, for I have YOU. 
You are my strength and I LOVE YOU! 
Thank you God! Smile and cheers for the days. 
Keep on believing! 
Ask for stronger shoulders not for lighter load. :D
God speed!!!