The Little Things

One cold night, you’re all alone in your room, taking a break from all the stress the world placed on you. You can’t help but notice the slight pitter-patter of rain in your window as you cuddle snugly in bed.

You somehow manage to frown, thinking that time is progressive. At times you want to stop the clock—or at least slow it down a bit—you can’t, unless you want it to ruthlessly leave you behind. Life moves too fast.

You remember your childhood. You realize that life won’t be as easy as it was when you were 5, or 7, or 10. You wish you to be young again—that getting a lollipop would mean the world to you; that hugging your teddy bear as you sleep instantly safeguards you from nightmares.

All of a sudden, it comes to a halt, and after 2 milliseconds or so, heavy rain comes crashing down.

Then it hits you. You’ll never be young again. The reason why you couldn’t go back is that you’re meant to move forward. Each passing day is a step closer to your destination, and every step comes with a huge set of challenges.

The rain decides to stop. A rainbow emerges on the horizon, and you suddenly feel lighter.

You realize that life wouldn’t be the same if you were always a kid, if you always had the world to yourself, if you hadn’t moved on. You’re a big girl now, and you can handle anything you tell yourself you can handle. It’s amazing how small things could make you understand the big pictures.

After all, you could still cuddle up in bed with your teddy bear; you could still enjoy the majestic presence of the rainbow in your room.

Caution

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It’s so nice to know that while you’re busy taking care of others (and actually forgetting to stop and take a breath), there are people watching over you, looking out for you.

I can’t remember the last time somebody asked me how I’m doing. The kind of “how are you doing” that knows you have a burden inside you, that something troubles you.

We come across people and ask them how they are, and when they answer “I’m fine” or “I’m good” we just open up a familiar topic then say goodbye when we run out of things to talk to. We never listen, we never stay long enough just to hear what they really want to say.

I’ve forgotten how to truly answer that question. And worse, I’ve forgotten to ask it to others.

If I asked you how you were doing, what would you tell me?

It’s not you, It’s me

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You can dream of anything but you have to face reality that you can’t have everything.

We all have dreams playing in our head; our very own fiction with a fairy tale-ending.

We are all entitled to an extreme fantasy but we have a choice to chase it or live the closest reality possible. I, myself, fall in the latter. I have so many goals, I have images of myself where I’m the person I always wanted to be. All of which is very realistic and attainable. I didn’t have to deal with the impossible where I’d own a flying pink pony when I turn 25. But no matter how realistic it might be, it still seems like I can only have a few options at hand. It’ll always end up with, “If I do this then I have to give up being a certain person”, “If I make this choice, I’d have to live without the other”. Through the years, I didn’t give up on any of my dreams but it just happens that I made a choice to do one thing over the other. Sad to say, I’d often lose a big dream to be on the safe zone. Sometimes I’d rather be the same person than to be judged wrongly for what I’ll do next.

Some people tend to do things based on what other people say. They are so conscious of how others would react to what they do, how they speak, what they wear and who they’re with. It’s funny how much effort we make in order to please others or to do things that others expect you to do. Most of the time we end up in regret and being unhappy for giving up what you want, for what others want for you. You can watch what you say and how you act so you don’t hurt people but don’t let them stop you from becoming who you really want to be. There will be things that make us happy but we sometimes let it pass in exchange for people’s approval.

Live your life like you pictured it the first time. Live it as if nothing’s gonna go wrong. Don’t be afraid to fail for you can’t appreciate the reward if you were not able to endure a little pain. Forget what other people would say but let them forget what they have to say about you. Be happy as you are and live the best life the best way you know how.

It is true that we can’t have everything but don’t let it stop you from dreaming big and achieving them along the way. How much will it hurt to have a little faith?

Evening Screenplay

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FADE IN.

Her bedroom.

She tosses and turns in bed. Stretches out, yawns, she sits up. She takes hold of the curtain and looks outside the window. She plops herself down the bed once again.

She.

(sighs)

Life moves on, silly girl!

She blinks. She smiles slowly as if she has realized something. She stands up. She exits the bedroom for a cup of hot chocolate.

FADE OUT.

Nocturne

I just got home at 12:15am from my mid-shift duty. Traffic everywhere, and it’s Monday such a killer combo. Ugh! Time check: It’s 3:18 in the morning, and I’m still up. I’m still caught up with this book, but I know I should probably be sleeping now. There’s always tomorrow…or in my case, later. It’s just difficult for me to begin a book and not finish it soon.

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Right now my stomach’s grumbling and I’m feeling kind of dizzy. I guess I have more reasons to sleep now. Signing out. Bye.

Today You are You: My 24th Birthday Post

“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you! -Dr. Seuss”

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As you all know (or not know), I’ve turned a year older today. I feel so old already! But then there’s also that part of me still feels like I’m 12. Anyway since I’m 24 now, this calls for a self appreciation post (wait, that sounds conceited haha) so let me just share random facts about myself! In lieu of this, I’ll bore you (or entertain you, or inspire you) with a few thoughts and insights I’ve come to believe and value. Do read everything, as you might feel the same way. (or against it, in which case I’d rather you don’t mind this post at all).

On weird food choices and quirks. I mix my sundae and I don’t stop until the fudge and vanilla have really combined (most of my friends are grossed out by this). I’m really big on dessert combos. I’m a big fan of throwing [things] together—so if I’ve got a cookie, or a brownie, or whatever, I grab that, grab some ice cream, grab some sauces and whatnot. Most people go for the single dessert; I’m a fan of mixing it together.

On folding, rolling and tearing papers that I’m holding unconsciously. It’s habit that I’ve noticed way back in grade school. Whenever I have any kind of paper in my hands, I find myself folding and rolling it then tearing it into pieces. That’s why Starbucks and DQ staff give me strange looks whenever they ask for my receipt.

On trying all Pocky flavors. I can’t even count how many times I’ve professed my love for Pocky and how different the ones made here and made in other countries and from the one made in Japan. There are only about 100 flavors of Pocky in Japan and I’ve had about 20 flavors off my list so good luck to me!

On being active in social media. Take away my TV, deactivate my Facebook. I don’t mind. But I just need to be updated with my WordPress, Twitter and Instagram. It’s a thing.

On lesson I learned in college that I will always be grateful for is learning how to cross the street. I very rarely commute so the biggest obstacle I faced in my freshman year (aside from math) was crossing the street. But eventually, I learned to do that on my own after constantly being dragged by my friends or holding tightly onto the handle of their bags.

As much as I love dressing up, nothing beats my big worn out shirts and cotton shorts. Home clothes are awesome and it’s when I’m wearing them that I feel most like myself.

I’m a big Disney fan. I was a Disney baby, a Disney teen and now that I’m 24, a Disney adult. I still have Disney princess theme songs saved on my iPod.

I can get extremely talkative at times. In general, I don’t talk very much. Most people tell me I’m reserved and sometimes too quiet or shy. I’m usually like that to people I’m not that close to. But to certain family and friends, there are times when I talk like there’s no tomorrow.

I’m a goody-goody and bit conservative. More than I’d like to admit, I guess. My friends label me as the “good girl”. I rarely drink, I’m uncomfortable wearing really, really, really short shorts and people tell me that I’m always proper and poised.

I value loyalty the most. It takes a while for me trust and really get close to other people, but when I do, they have my loyalty for all eternity (woah, big word haha). But seriously though, loyalty is so important to me and it’s something that I value highly.

On academics. Knowledge per se isn’t what I’m after. To me, it’s learning that is essential. There are plenty of ways to learn: paying attention in class, participating in an org activity, conversing with my friends, or even observing other people do something insanely ridiculous. I don’t mind opening myself to new experiences or making mistakes, as long as I learn from them.

On friends. Sure, having a lot of acquaintances may seem like a breeze, but having truly good friends is rewarding for a lifetime. These days, I make it a point to strengthen my relationships, and value the people who bring out the best in me and who truly care for me. Now, I’m pretty sure I have a good idea whom I’d like to keep for the rest of my life.

On relationships. This particular aspect of my life is on hold now. These days, I choose to discover the world and see it through my eyes first before I engage in a relationship. I don’t see why I must not wait for the right time to allow myself to fall for someone. I couldn’t bear to see myself hurting and suffering like plenty of other girls because they failed to realize what they were giving up, and how it wasn’t for the right reasons. It pains me to see that the world’s becoming more and more dangerous each day, and I couldn’t seem to trust myself with just anyone. Nevertheless, I still look forward to the day I’d start feeling butterflies in my stomach, the days I’d listen to every love song and enjoy every moment of it, the days I’d feel light and let my heart flutter, the day I’d tell myself that I’ve finally found someone and that I know we’re meant for each other. Wenk, I know, cheesy. It’s hard to stay on track, it’s constantly a struggle, but I know it’s worth the wait. One day, at the right time, in God’s will, I will find my prince who’ll never gives up on me and loves me unconditionally.

On my country. Boy, did I use to hate the Philippines. This year, I had a number of realizations, which collectively became an epiphany: I couldn’t be happier and more proud to be Filipino. Although I was never a patriot, I learned so much about the country this year. It sucks that other people don’t feel the same way, though. All they could think about is how pathetic the government is, and how bad this country is, and how they want to get the heck out of here one day. I’m not saying it’s their fault, but I hope they’d see the light, just like I did.

On God. There simply are no words to describe how much I’ve grown to love Him more and more each day. Growing deeper in my faith is more than merely a something religious, it’s a lifestyle. My relationship with Him is a foundation, an investment, and a gift.

On joy. Scrap temporary happiness. I’m talking about true happiness, I’m talking about joy. Nowadays, I tend to sacrifice a few temporary happy moments for life-long, memorable ones. Meaning to say, I don’t live for the moment just because the moment feels fun; I live for the sake of living a life worth living for.(Oops, I hope you got that. Lol)

On being more selfless. Can you count the number of I’s I used in this blog post, and the number of I’s you say every day? Precisely. We live in a world with a self-centered philosophy, and I’m just sick of how I’d grown to love myself too much. It’s about worrying about not having something new to wear, or complaining about not being able to drive yet, while other people don’t have money for clothes or transportation to begin with. Therefore, I impose on myself a paradigm shift.

On life (as we know it). Everyday brings about a new set of accomplishments and disappointments. I look forward to each day, no matter what the outcome may be. Life’s such a beautiful gift; I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t have it. I will live my life to the fullest and ain’t no one’s gonna stop me. Hence the term YOLO—in its purest, most innocent, and most beautiful sense.

On being 24. I know, I’m old. I don’t have a wish, I have a dream, and my dream is to inspire.

So, shall I live my next few years on this planet the best way that I can? Challenge accepted.

I challenge you to do the same, too! :)

So there you have it! Things I learned and discovered about myself for the past twenty-four years! To celebrate my birthday, together with my family and sister’s boyfriend we just had dinner over small talks. Must done something right to deserve the best people in my life. Thank you to my family, all the friends and relatives who greeted me on my birthday. Thank you for making me feel special and loved on my day! :)

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Birthday dinner. So happy to spend my special day with my family. :)

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Just few of my birthday greetings! Thanks so much friends and family. :) I appreciated you guys so much! <3

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I may not have everything I want but I’m happy that I have everything I need and much more. I am thankful for every day that I get to wake up to, for the time being lent to me to love and care and be with my family, for all the blessings that I can share to those who need them more. I am blessed and I am grateful in every way.

I am young and I can do so many things, and one day I will be as great as I imagine myself to be. I will never stop trying. So help me, God. :)

Always Behind the Curtains

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Since I was young, I’ve never had the confidence and strength to solely present and perform in front of many people. I can do it if…I am in a group wherein I know there are a lot of us that’ll perform and people wouldn’t even bother to focus on me. My self-confidence was really not sky-rocket high. I always thought about the ‘what ifs’, ‘what if I fall?’, ‘what if I screw the performance?’, ‘what if I embarrass myself?’ That is the reason why that whenever there are plans or presentations in school or work, it’s either I will not join (if possible) or will just be a part of the team who manages of the props/technical/costumes/planning. That’s why all my close friends know that I am a shy girl. When I’m starting to discover what college life is, I don’t even know how to commute or ride a public transportation I only just know if you give me directions. I don’t know how to cross the street where there are fast cars crossing the road. I don’t even order food in a fast food chain. Look! How pathetic I am when I was brought in this reality called LIFE during the starting days of my college years. Thanks to my friends especially to my bestfriend for spoiling me. Teehee :) Good to say, that now I am not a little kid anymore I am able to learn things and get used to it even though sometimes I look like a stupid lass. Those are some few reasons why my close friends and family always sees me as a fragile girl.

I have no legit talent. I envy those who are really talented! The singers, dancers, artists, writers, athletes…and many more. I’m not tone-deaf. I don’t have two left feet. I don’t waste paint and papers. I don’t suck at sports. I can actually sing, dance and draw like a normal person. Haha! In a not looking-like-pathetic-annoying-frustrated-singer-dancer way but I am not a master of any among things I’ve mentioned. I am MASTER OF NOTHING! I really enjoyed sports…Tennis, Badminton, Swimming and Volleyball. I don’t get hit by the ball or hit my opponent while playing. Actually, when I was about 6 years old my dad enrolled me to a gymnastic lesson. I can do it then, not now I’m not more flexible than I was before, not in a professional and competing level. I love sweating and working up my muscles. I used to do morning runs if I was able to wake up early or if I’m pumped up to burn-some calories. :) I don’t know why? Or maybe it’s just the boy side of me. :) Anyway, I can do a lot of things but I’m just ordinary. There is nothing to brag.

So, what I just want to say is I envy mostly…..everyone. Like when people tell me something about themselves specially their talents, I just find myself, “Wow! You’re so lucky. (In my mind) I, on the other hand have no talent. Yeyyy me! Lol :) I want to be really good at something. Something I can brag and be proud of. But my lack of talent and ability hinders me to do so. And, now I’m ranting it to all of you. This obviously won’t make any difference. Haha! A lot of people say that I just don’t see what I can do but I’m not belittled and underestimate myself most of the time.

#30ThingsILove

Since I cannot sleep yet and the moon is bright. I’ve been scrolling my news feed on twitter and seeing my friends keep on posting on this trending topic, so I decided to ride on this hash tag #10ThingsILove. Chichi (that’s my dog) was lying on her back, paws straight up in the air, when she rolled over, yawned, and said to me, in her puppy way, “Mom, I love you. You’re awesome.” And she’s right. Hihihi to make this kind of my own, I decided to make a list of #30ThingsIReallyLove, from the sort of shallow to the deeply ingrained. I hope you’ll all do the same (about yourselves, not me) in the comments! :))

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  1. When people sing the songs of your favorite band to you (even they swear they hate them)
  2. Ponytails in the summer
  3. Hand written letters and doodles
  4. When people say “you look nice today” even if they see you every day
  5. Surprises
  6. Kisses on the cheek and holding hands
  7. Getting lost in music while I shower
  8. Reading through memories in last year’s planner
  9. Rain when I’m indoors
  10. The smell crisp of new book
  11. How it feels to stick one foot out of your blanket
  12. Coffee and Milk tea while I read or write
  13. The photo booth pictures I’ve got tacked up on the inside of my cabinet doors
  14. When people say “this reminds me of you”
  15. Roses and Tulips
  16. Shopping (clothes, shoes, accessories, watches and bags)
  17. Watching my favorite movies over and over again.
  18. Looking at old family pictures and reliving happy memories
  19. My loyal and cray cray friends
  20. Quotes that inspire me
  21. Seeing people smile. It makes me happy to see other people happy.
  22. The wind in my face on a warm day
  23. True deep felt genuine hugs
  24. My dog. It’s not just her absolutely adorable faces, but the fact that I have had her for years, and she still greet me at the door every day like she haven’t seen me in years. She really is the best stress relievers and just happiness boosters in general.
  25. Food. I enjoy trying out new restaurants. I especially love the role food plays in my life it definitely fosters conversation and it essentially brings people together….and it is deeelicioius :)
  26. Good, witty, random, talk-for-hours like I haven’t seen you in ages type of conversation
  27. Feeling well-rested after a much needed nap
  28. Life. The beauty of it. No matter how bad things get, there is always something beautiful to keep us going forward.
  29. Random acts of kindness
  30. The people in my life. I’m truly blessed.

I’m that GIRL

I’m the girl who prefers a dozen of roses instead of a one or two.

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I’m the kind of girl whose hair is always a mess.

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I’m the girl who could live in the mall and never get tired of shopping.

I’m the girl who will spend hours doodling her name on a paper trying to find a good way to write.

I’m the girl who likes to stay home reading a book and falls in love with fictional characters.

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I’m the girl who always thinks time is going by too fast, and wishes every good moment could last a lifetime.

I’m the girl who puts on a smile because she doesn’t want the attention of someone asking her what’s wrong.

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I’m the girl who would rather go out on a Friday night with close friends than got to a wild party with random strangers.

I’m the type of girl who wants to fall in love with one person and have him for the rest of her life.

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I’m the girl who would enjoy having a movie night rather than going out to some fancy restaurant.

I’m the girl who would rather stay up all night talking and sharing secrets with you than going out and getting drunk.

I’m the girl who loves to sleep but reads all through the night.

I’m the girl who is loyal and has their backs no matter what…the girl who will get in a fight with you but who is not really the fighting type.

I’m the girl that loves romantic movies because it makes her smile and cry, loves comedy because it makes her laugh, and loves action because it makes her heart jump.

I’m the girl who will cry in the middle of the night and still insist that everything is fine.

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I’m the girl who has her music so loud when she takes her headphones on she goes deaf for awhile.

I’m the girl that believes in magic, in wishing at 11:11, who believes everything happens for a reason.

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I’m the girl who loves to stare in the sky, close her eyes and daydream about how her life could be.

I’m the girl who won’t make you hold her bag, but would rather hold your hand instead.

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I’m the girl who is incredibly weird but you really wanna meet.

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I’m the girl who appreciates little simple gestures, than going too far of trying to impress me by doing something big.

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I’m the girl smart enough and beautiful enough (I think) to never be taken for granted and to never be anyone’s second best.

I’m the girl who has always wished a prince would come on a white horse and sweep me off my feet.

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I’m the girl who will listen to you, but never judge you. The kind of girl who, once I know you, will help you through anything, as much as I can. The type who doesn’t like to see people hurt, even though she’s hurting so much on the inside.

I’m the girl who doesn’t care if its a million dollars bag, a book from book sale or a homemade, handwriting card as long as you thought of me.

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I’m the girl who will give you a smile to brighten up your bad day.

I’m the girl who feels giddy herself to sleep at night thinking of you, when I know I’m the last thing on your mind.

I’m the girl who don’t smoke, sleep around or start drama to get someone attention.

I’m the girl who enjoys being alone. But, sometimes at the time I over think a lot. And I hate it, but I still do it.

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I’m the girl who watches a movie like I’m watching my life unfold on the screen in front of me.

I’m the girl believes in love and romance. She has hopes and fears, just like anyone. Sometimes, she feels frightened. Sometimes, she feels unloved. But she’s brave, and goodhearted, and faces her life head on.

I’m the girl who is not plain, yet nothing special, but I don’t think anyone is ever going to call me beautiful. I don’t have that graceful thing going on. Apart from a simple, fashionable taste in clothes, and the fact that I’m a bit short, there’s not a lot separating me from anyone you might pass in the street. An ordinary girl, leading an ordinary life. It actually suited me fine.

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I’m the girl who is selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then I’m sure as hell you don’t deserve me at my best.

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I’m happy, I’m sensitive, I’m nothing, I’m lazy, I cry, I tear, I laugh, I annoy, this is my life and I like that way.

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And yes, I’m the kind of girl who posts this cheesy text post on my personal blog because she can’t post it anywhere else.

I’m me…and I’m not sorry. If you don’t like the kind of girl I am, I will try not to be hurt and keep on being me without changing to please someone else.

Soooo…Yeah! That’s the kind of GIRL I am!!

My 2013 Guidelines

I’ve been good. I’ve been bad. I’ve been naughty. I’ve been nice. I’ve been up. I’ve been down. I’ve lost. I’ve triumphed. I laughed. I cried. I took a big leap and occasionally look back from where I came from. I let go.

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It is New Year! It is 2013. Whatever 2012 was for you and me, we need to be thankful that we’re still alive and we have a chance to change ourselves and the world (nah that might be too heavy for some! haha). The year 2012 was a roller coaster of emotions. I would be very happy at one moment but I would be crying thereafter. But I am still thankful that I was given another year. I got to learn new things, did a few things that I’ve never done before, been to places, met some good people and spent time with my loved-ones.

Everything happens for a reason. We may not understand the reason behind a particular situation but we will eventually realize what it was for. It has its own purpose why it was given to us. I’m speaking from my own personal experience and as well as the events that had surrounded our country the past year. We may not be able to change everything in a snap or a blink of an eye but we can be an instrument for that change. Change should start within us.

As usual, my intro sounds so heavy but really it is not. Hihi! I’ve gotta make some changes in my life. How do people call it? “New Year’s Resolution” ?? I’d rather call it my 2013 Guidelines. This is not my first time to make a new year’s resolution. In fact, what’s new about this year is that this might be the first time I’ll follow one. HAHA I made this yesterday when I got home from sundate with some friends. I can’t sleep, ahh!! I made this out of spontaneity. Everything was just flowing. What’s good about it is that I am aware of what to change and what to not. I’m kind of ambivalent though because I think 2013 is the turning point of my life. I hope soooo…I take the boards last December 2012 and I’m not yet even sure if I can make it with flying colors. I need to pass it or even top it. Yes! I’m not setting limitations for myself. I do the friggin’ best that I can! Oh good Lord, please give my RN license to me!! It’s my number one and only choice.

Ergo, for me to succeed this year, I have to be guided by the following.

2013 Guidelines:

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  1. Never miss nor be late for a Sunday mass.
  2. Rekindle relationship with God by constantly communicating with him.
  3. Learn the GREAT gap between a “want” and a”need”.
  4. Realize that the best things in life are free. Be less materialistic.
  5. Manage time wisely. SERIOUSLY. YUNG TOO NA.
  6. Remove the word procrastination from my vocabulary.
  7. Reflect on the gift of everyday.
  8. Start healthy living. Lessen eating fatty foods and meat! Eat more fruits and vegetables instead. Gaaaaah! THIS IS THE HARDEST. 
  9. Jog at least once a week.
  10. Fix my room at least twice a week.
  11. Read more books apart from those for academic purposes.
  12. Write. Blog. Express my thoughts even more. It’s my way of unloading my feelings and it does help.
  13. Lessen my McDonald’s/fastfood  food trips.
  14. Be nice and smile more.
  15. Pamper myself once in a while. A good massage, facial, out of town getaway, not so much with food.
  16. Be a more relaxed driver. Understand other motorists for being so stupid on the road.
  17. Drive slower. Don’t step too much on gas pedal.  As requested by my dad. OK FINE!
  18. Not aim to be the best but try my very best.
  19. Breathe, chill, and relax.
  20. SAVE! SAVE! SAVE! We don’t know what will happen next.
  21. Accept other people as they are. I’m not thinking highly of myself. It’s just that I’m not very comfortable with “some” people.
  22. Watch concerts. I hope I can…I need tooo much penny!!! Sponsors puhleeeease!! :'(
  23. Have good clean fun. I can only live once. YOLO.
  24. Don’t let time and chance slip by because I’m too sleepy.
  25. Be more assertive.
  26. Remove the word procrastination from my vocabulary.
  27. As this cliche goes, LIVE. LOVE. LAUGH. Enjoy life! Carpe diem!

I’ll add more just in case. How about you? What are your 2012 guidelines?

Let’s all stay positive and start the year right. :)