The Little Things

One cold night, you’re all alone in your room, taking a break from all the stress the world placed on you. You can’t help but notice the slight pitter-patter of rain in your window as you cuddle snugly in bed.

You somehow manage to frown, thinking that time is progressive. At times you want to stop the clock—or at least slow it down a bit—you can’t, unless you want it to ruthlessly leave you behind. Life moves too fast.

You remember your childhood. You realize that life won’t be as easy as it was when you were 5, or 7, or 10. You wish you to be young again—that getting a lollipop would mean the world to you; that hugging your teddy bear as you sleep instantly safeguards you from nightmares.

All of a sudden, it comes to a halt, and after 2 milliseconds or so, heavy rain comes crashing down.

Then it hits you. You’ll never be young again. The reason why you couldn’t go back is that you’re meant to move forward. Each passing day is a step closer to your destination, and every step comes with a huge set of challenges.

The rain decides to stop. A rainbow emerges on the horizon, and you suddenly feel lighter.

You realize that life wouldn’t be the same if you were always a kid, if you always had the world to yourself, if you hadn’t moved on. You’re a big girl now, and you can handle anything you tell yourself you can handle. It’s amazing how small things could make you understand the big pictures.

After all, you could still cuddle up in bed with your teddy bear; you could still enjoy the majestic presence of the rainbow in your room.

First Impressions

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Hey my lovely-awesome readers! :) How are you? I have to say that I missed blogging. I feel so sad for neglecting my blog like this. So many things happened and I’ve been very busy these past few weeks. Yes, what I meant was, so many things happened in this cray life of mine.

I created this blog to dip my toes into the pool of writing. I don’t really know how often I’ll be able to update this blog, or exactly what I’ll end up blogging about, but I promise this; I promise this blog will be the vessel of my filtered thoughts and feelings. It will hold the sogginess of my poetry, the normality of my day-to-day doings, the shallowness of my pondering, the bitterness of my complaints and rants, the sincerity of my gratitude, biased observations, and bad jokes.

Let’s not forget to throw in a couple of gratuitous photos, and thought-provoking quotes. They shall congregate in this corner of the internet and celebrate!

Also, I’ve decided to do some not-so-creative writing exercise, so that I have reason this visit my blog more. Hehe :) which I will call “Letters to X”. They are short sloppy entries that address X – and the more you read, the more you may get to know about them.

Let me tell you as early as now that X does NOT exist in real life, they are merely my writing mannequin.

Let me also tell you also that although they DOES NOT exist, there is a soul who inspires them that will pop as my entries goes on.

And so watch out for my next posts…my first letter to X..I’ll try my very best to update during my spare time.

LONG LIVE THIS BLOG! Don’t judge me! :)

Much love,

Cai

xoxo

Ass everywhere

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Few days ago I meet and go watch a movie with my girl best friend, we love Mockingjay. I know a lot of people didn’t like Mockingjay but I personally liked it. It was the intensity of the scenes that took me. But I’ll make a separate blog post about that tho cos I’m going to talk about how pissed I am with men and how pervert these strangers are.

We live in a world where it’s okay for men outside to actually do cat calls and treat you like a bitch. (Yes, the female pooch okay)

Let me freakin’ remind everyone (I placed a curse right there so people would listen) that we aren’t an object that you can disrespect. But if you keep on doing shitty things like that maybe it’s time for us to defend ourselves and might as well have the right to humiliate you in public just to be fair. Yes, I’m going to do this more often now cos I’m sick of it, I’m sick of us ladies not being able to fight back because of what society wants us to be. Well, no way.

Say fuck you, mean it this time, and yeah… punch them on the face.

Ugh

I really can’t handle annoying people. I am good, yeah I’m a good girl unless you provoke me to my limits. I just can’t stand faking my smile, faking myself, pretending that I am not annoyed or irritated. I want people to be aware that they can either bring out the best in me or the beast in me.

Show it

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Do you remember what Slam books are? You know, the book you have to fill out with general information, and you also have to answer pretty weird or invasive questions like, “Who’s your crush?”

The part where I get puzzled at the most is: “What’s your motto?” I would always fall blank on this area and I never really knew what my life motto was.

Out of the cliche quotes I could find, I think this would have to be the one that defines me: LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH.

As I mentioned from my previous posts, living this life is full of possibilities, we try to see this world as our playground, with unending glorious banquet of choices, and a universe of plenty for all and to appreciate and enjoy it all.

Laughing often is important. It’s time to let go of bitterness and other negative energy and laugh. Laugh until you cry, laugh until you can’t breathe and laugh until you remember that laughing is life and joy. Laugh at yourself, your seriousness and your humanness.

Loving much, is the most important piece of the puzzle. Love everything and everybody. Love yourself, who you are, what you bring to this world and how you bring it. Loved that you love. Love your love.

I want girls out there, well everyone to know that you are not alone in this thing called LIFE. We go through tons of trials and they may be varied or not, but in the end, we have God. Actually, in the beginning, we had God all along.

I don’t know where this post is going to, so I’ll just end it here. To be honest, I just want to write and I’ve come up with this post. Hehe Adios! :)

Poetry #5: Le Sigh

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I have woken to a lot of different things in my life

To a dreaded alarm, to the sudden end of a half-realized dream

To the smell of breakfast, to the leftover airconditioner chill

Sometimes I wake up to nothing

It’s just the habit of being alive

It was okay

it was how it should be,

Until

One time I woke up as a cloud

While I float away in the sky of warmth

You were my sunshine.

Poetry #4: Filipendulous

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And when I ran out of words before I could even get to my point,

Just as practiced slow breathing failed to abate the boiling pot

Of emotions, stirred like a mysterious untested potion,

Made to palliate the throbbing pain in the chest,

or in the zones where I used to placed my hands.

I ran to that corner of the earth where people gathered in circles

To gaze secretly at each other, only to run away when our eyes met.

In an attempt to understand why failed love often leave us in a corner

With people basking the irony of missed opportunities,

I should first realize that, the challenge of life is to find someone

who holds on to your love with a grip that is not tightened by pity, familiarity,

or worse–lust,

But by your effortless gestures and thirst for consistency that make me blush.

Evening Screenplay

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FADE IN.

Her bedroom.

She tosses and turns in bed. Stretches out, yawns, she sits up. She takes hold of the curtain and looks outside the window. She plops herself down the bed once again.

She.

(sighs)

Life moves on, silly girl!

She blinks. She smiles slowly as if she has realized something. She stands up. She exits the bedroom for a cup of hot chocolate.

FADE OUT.

Both ways

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The fun of life could begin in exploring things alone and be adventurous about everything. The hanging question is: Would you really do it alone?

Most of us think that life is funnier and happier when you have someone to share good times with…relating to friends, family and many other relationships available. Yes, it’s true! Speaking for the contrary, most time there’s limitations, restrictions, and talking about being ethical, you need to consider others too; that when you’re alone you can’t seem to find the rules and you just go with the flow.

Stereotype. Usual. Always. Why not change directions for some time? We need time to be alone, to think about life, to think about future and to at least reflect.

I do have a lot of good friends. Some of them are miles away from me and still make an effort to check up on me to see if I’m okay (one of the reasons why I love internet so much). With that, I’m lucky. Yesterday, my Dad’s close friend just got back from London for vacation. We meet her, had dinner and had a little chit-chat. She told me what good opportunities are waiting for me there, if only I had done taken this exam maybe I have my papers process already now. But, still I’m thinking if I’ll push it. I know that this is a great opportunity for me. But, I need to be ready for it. If the chance comes, I must have the equipment to take advantage of it. So decisions…decisions…Honestly, I don’t know what to do. :( I even asked for my bestfriends advice and of course my parents too! I’m going crazy thinking about this matter! And when time comes, soon, I’ll be leaving everyone, hoping that I at least put a big smile to them and not cry before I fly away and be gone. Leaving literally, cliché it can be but…They will always be a part of me. I could forget all the lectures we had in school yet friendship is one great thing I wouldn’t forget and will always treasure.

Being alone isn’t a big deal because I don’t get sad that often or that much. I always find ways to be happy through simple things. Being alone doesn’t mean that you’re lonely, well in fact, it is healthy. Sometimes.

I’m not engaging to the manner of spending all my time alone. I just want to be an expert about dealing on both ways. Indeed, it’s happier to have a company that you can share things with. The way that life would not always be in favor to you, you should invest to the other side as early as possible. It’s like being ready and prepared for the calamity, you do things earlier so that when the bad time comes you are equipped and settled.

Random thoughts of August. Maybe I’m dealing with adult-ish things so much lately and conscious about things I want to do. Leaving shouldn’t be an issue for I’m always sure I’ll be back. No matter what.

Nocturne

I just got home at 12:15am from my mid-shift duty. Traffic everywhere, and it’s Monday such a killer combo. Ugh! Time check: It’s 3:18 in the morning, and I’m still up. I’m still caught up with this book, but I know I should probably be sleeping now. There’s always tomorrow…or in my case, later. It’s just difficult for me to begin a book and not finish it soon.

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Right now my stomach’s grumbling and I’m feeling kind of dizzy. I guess I have more reasons to sleep now. Signing out. Bye.