This is how you lose her

This is how you lose her. 

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You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.

You must remember when she forgets.

You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.

She remembers when you forget.

You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the  beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.

You must learn her.

You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.

You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.

And, this is how you keep her.

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DISCLAIMER: Excerpt from Junot Diaz, This is How You Lose Her.

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Quality over Quantity

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Because the hashtag #happynationalbestfriendday is trending on the social media sites I make this post for my oh so awesome and cray-cray bestfriends and friendships out there.

In life we will come across so many people in our lives, and some think that the more friends you have the more popular you will be and the more better you will be, and that is wrong. You can have so many friends, you can hundreds of people being your friend and some people will be more concerned about having quantity instead of quality, well, that should not be. Before, it mattered a lot to me about having many friends to hang-out with. I used to think that, it was great to be known for having many friends. But I realized that as days go by, this big number of ‘friends’ gradually diminish. It is filtered and just like filtering, only those who are pure and real gets through.

I’d rather have a few friends who will be by my side, to back me up, and to support, love and appreciate me for who I am. Everything should be mutual when it comes to friends. It takes two to tango and it takes both to be the backbone that keeps the friendships up. Aside from having the complete will of these people who prefer to stay with me, I still choose who are those worthy of staying in my life. It does take time to get to know someone, and friendships and good friendships take time to build. So you build your trust in accordance to how someone is, their actions, words, kindness, their honesty, their loyalty and the way they are to you and how they treat you.

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And now that I’ve got the good set of individuals. Few friends I can trust, depend on and share stories and things with, rather than having hundreds, that will only be there part time and not full time. I can say that it’s not always the number of years you’ve been together, but stickin’ to each other during the gloomiest and deepest shits of our lives.

I want the best for everyone, and I am speaking through experience. I’ve been burned so many times from fake people, I’ve been hurt, but all it takes is opening up your eyes and being more aware of peoples actions.Just take your time. There is no rush to friendships. You will find the suitable people for you. It will take time and effort, but never ever think friendship will never happen for you. Just believe in yourself and know that there are types of people for you that are suitable. Just relax and take it easy.

Don’t you worry, don’t you worry, child

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After hearing the Swedish House Mafia hit for months, one line in particular stood out to me. I’m sure they didn’t plan for their song, Don’t You Worry Child, to inspire a blog post, but it did. The line above struck a chord with me.

When things go my way for more than 24 hours straight, I can’t help but feel like I’m going to explode with optimism and straight up good vibes. I called it a lovely day! A day that I really can put my tonnes of work aside and don’t have to think about them. This is going to be an amazing year, and somehow everything just seems to be falling into place.

Nothing significant happened, specifically. Not to me, anyway. But all I can think of now is how all the signs seem to be screaming the same thing, and despite my doubts, I am absolutely drunk on giddy positivity and excitement for what the future holds.

Is this what it feels like to be absolutely hopeful? Because it feels really good, and I would love to feel this way more often.

Keeping up with S

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Sleep has always been an issue.

You get up at 4:00 am, look at the clock and sigh…“Hmm just ten more minutes please..” and cover up with blanket. Five hours of sleep a day is already enough for me to perform well. I guess. On the other hand, I’m always dreaming to sleep more than 5 hours and at least reach the 8 hours quota of the perfect duration of sleep that everyone is talking about.

For the nth time, I know that I’m talking about work, paper works, events and other activities. To sum up, I’m talking about stress here.

Hot chocolate and coffee replaces my blood. Speaking from experiences with some scattered ideas stress wasn’t really underrated at all.

Baaaah, enough of stress and other negative stuff. Concentrating on the brighter side of life: The life a nurse is really awesome; there’s always something new; you will rarely get bored, you could learn a lot of things not just only by listening to lectures of your seniors but also reflecting on the good basis and great stuff from those people around you by which, they could really inspire you that deep, plus, you can always maximize your skills and build up ideas. No doubt, it’s really fun.

Moving to a flexible nature, showing concern to the environment you are into and the people around you, are some of the factors that can make you enjoy the field. Honestly, these are all subtle. A shortcut to way to perfect and way to fun. It doesn’t matter if you are stressed or what, it’s about having it your way and loving what you do.

Ciao! Signing off. Goodnight dearies! ZzzZzz :)

Fears

how to conguer your fears & worries

We have a generic fear of the unknown, but it is familiar that we fear with greater detail and certainty. It’s easier to imagine something that we’ve seen elsewhere, making it seem more likely even when it’s not. And although we have spent much of our lives knowing that we are not the only ones vying with this every day, we still fall most vulnerable– on wee hours– when we’re unaccompanied. It’s a recurring kind of woe. It finds a way to catch us unguarded, when our positive self- image is in short supply.

That’s the seed of paranoia, which would really be harmless if it stayed in our heads. The trouble begins when we begin acting on it, allowing it to sway our behavior in ways that would otherwise have been unthinkable.

But what is it, really, that we fear the most? If it’s on the basis of knowledge and familiarity, then wouldn’t that be ourselves?

In the end, fear is crippling.  It paralyzes.  It places limits on us and causes us to plateau and give up when we should be climbing to higher heights.  It is one of the enemy’s greatest tools to defeat us and prevent us from birthing the dreams God has placed inside of us. We end up wary of anything that resembles the worst about us.  Our imagination takes us beyond rationality, and before we know it, we’re acting questionably based on some vague, gut-feel notion.

It makes no sense, but it happens.

Downfall

As it grew dark and the world around fell to slumber I found myself consumed by all the thoughts I have to push aside in the light of day. With my attention no longer set upon my priorities, the dark seep in from every dark nook and split to surround with taunts designed to pull me into a downward spiral.

So here it is – the restlessness – only because you’ve run out of options to distract yourself.  This time, I want to see how long I can go teasing myself with the idea. Why did you think about it anyway? It only came into mind just because you’re running out of things to do. We have the tendency to self destruct. We are like walking time bombs, threatening to explode with the slightest hint of nostalgia.

At this very moment I am supposed to be thinking about something else, but may I just ask have you ever considered yourself stupid? Have you ever felt useless? Have you ever thought of just quitting? Do you ever get confused sometimes about where to place your emotions? Why do we always have a “somewhere else I’d rather be”?

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I’ve never realized it until now, but there’s something about roller coaster of emotions that intrigue me. I know that this could only mean one thing: I am in search of solace. Where do I find it? Is it in the person you love? Your family? Friends? In coffee? Cold bed? In an empty room?

Sometimes I wonder, in my search for solace, who will come with me, when they all have somewhere else they’d rather be?

All these thoughts are running in my head. I just wanna shout it all out to release my anxiety. But will I ever feel better if I would entertain such thoughts? I don’t think so.

I try to shake them off, these black wisps that claw at my heart and mind. I’m exhausted, and I know that I should be asleep. I have things to do tomorrow. But the dark of the night brings about a quiet that seems to open the door to them. I find no escape.

Guess what?! I’m GROWING UP for the future

Making plans ahead, dreaming of pure fun, forgetting the past.

I think I’m growing up. I am someone I do not know. Influenced by outer forces, good inside but evil at times and a melting pot of contradicting values. When people get old they do more important stuff than to tell everyone about what happened to them for the day, week, month or even the entire year. I myself have not opened my blog in a while due to some errands I do lately.

There’s this quote I’ve retweeted on Twitter about looking forward and not looking back because that’s the point why God put our eyes on the front of our body. It makes sense actually. Most of us kept on thinking about the past, of the “what ifs”, of the “what could have been”, of the regrets, and the like. We forget to also remember that our past mistakes have been said and done already and that LIFE will NEVER EVER have an “UNDO” button. Luckily we can “REDO” our actions but hopefully we redo it by learning from the mistakes done and doing it right for the second or nth time around.

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Saying that we are human and we make mistakes is a rotten belief already, but it is really true we do make mistakes because we are not perfect. Sometimes our environment, our way of thinking, and our way of defining things lead us to choosing the wrong and stupid options. Being selfish and impulsive lead us to wrong choices sometimes too. (At least for me) All of these choices we have made that made us realize how stupid we are ironically make us wiser, because we now know what to do and what not. It makes us grow. Believe me.

I have a lot of regrets in life that remembering all of them will hyperbolically take me few days. When I’m thinking of the times I’ve wasted, I’m subconsciously wasting my time even more. There were a few times I wanted to go back for that other page & see what may have happened had I chosen it. Would I be better off? Or would that have been the catalyst for something even worse? Who knows? The silly thing is that no amount of worrying or wondering will allow me to know. Not worrying or wondering is easier said than done. I’ve been thinking a lot in this manner, because perhaps it’s time for a change of perspective. Frankly, every night before I go to sleep, I reminisce about my life before and yes, it makes me sad to realize that I have done a lot of wrong moves in the past; however, every after realization is a lesson always learned. Now, I wouldn’t dare put those mistakes in backtrack mode because I am now ready to start my engine, focus on the road leading me to my destination, and ignore U-turns. I’ve allowed myself to think in a way that isn’t entirely healthy or favorable to a really fulfilling, happy life. I’m putting my foot down. Worry less. Smile more. Accept criticism. Take responsibility. Listen, love & don’t hate. Embrace change. Feel good anyway. Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect; it’s looking beyond the imperfections.

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Past is mostly forgotten, lessons remain though. Now that it is, the future is what I have been preparing for. It makes me extremely happy thinking about future plans, love, career, work, and trips. Believe me, thinking about the future is a drug for me, it gets me high although I don’t know how it really feels like. I just thought of a metaphor here. One of these days I’ll blog about these plans. I kept on thinking about the future, of course I never forgot there’s such a thing called “living the present”. I know it would still be a rocky road ahead but EVERY LITTLE or BIG THING SHALL PASS. This has been an ongoing project of mine, I’m trying to simplify my life…I’m still a work in progress. Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps…

Confused…YES! Assuming…NO!

It’s 1:03 am and I’m still up. I’m wide awake like an owl. Can’t sleep! Insomnia kicks in. There’s something unnatural about this habit, yet I seem to always result to this. No plans for tomorrow. Rest is on its way. Couch potato time again.

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So much for waiting for time to cease all foggy madness, I am now facing hard-core facts. I am just a puzzle of irregular sorts right now. So for now, just come up to write this one, sharing my thoughts. I just had a girl-ish mature conversation with ‘atey’ one of my close friends. To have this kind of discussion sometimes make us say that we’re growing up to the age that make us adults to understand this kind of things way much better. It takes a lot to know what life is. Sometimes we think of things the other way around. Simple actions that we may likely see something special on them yet it is just nothing. We can really assume on things that aren’t real…we took it in a special way yet for others it’s just quite as simple and ordinary. Warning…warning…warn…oh…warn yourself about those things that makes you assume on something…that in reality it was just NOTHING. Girls…do assume. I believe that! We are very assuming and most of the time fooled. We thought this and that, but actually there’s nothing to think about because it’s unreal. That’s why it’s connected into this word: CONFUSION. You face a bit of confusion on things. Some people saw it, and think about it, which made you THINK about it, too. With regard to impressing ladies, THE BEST WAY TO IMPRESS HER IS NOT TRYING TO IMPRESS. Remember, doing too much and going too far is not necessarily a good thing. Let time do its thing. Being sweeet is good, but being too sweet might not be a great idea. Therefore, small simple gestures can be much more effective than something big. I know there is a temptation to show and reward the lady that you like for who she is, but try to resist it – it will only do good to you.I believe that everyone has expectations. Women expect too much of men, just as men expect too much of women. Unfortunately some come at a higher price than others. I’m a female and I know my worth but I don’t let looks and stupid things define what I want in a man. Attitude, consistency, effort and personality are important too! You have to step up your game and have conversation. You have to be able to interact. Communication is the key to everything and even the outside the world it still plays a major role. My conclusion: we can really assume or not?? I don’t know yet if it’s real or not but it’s a way wiser to think that it’s not. It’s wiser to guard our heart. To choose not to think about it anymore and realize that yes, there are other things to think other than that. Though I’m still confused and bothered about the truth…yet it’s safe to say that: ASSUME NOT! ;)

Luxurious sleep should be attained as well, to promote a healthier lifestyle and a paced heart. So, I shall retire. :) Off to the mattresses I go! ;p Good mornight everyone! **Sorry for this post kinda like “sabog” and for some grammatical errors…too sleepy to recheck it. Hehe

Joy of WRITING

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I am not a good writer, but I decided to pour my feelings and thoughts into pages. This way, I am hoping to realize what I want, who I am, and what I really want to be. Ever since high school, I have this hobby of writing in journals or diaries. As I remember my first ever journal is a bundle of pieces of ¼ size pad paper clip together. Haha! :)) I’ve always wanted to write. I am fond of writing down my thoughts, my deepest secrets, and feelings about my crush, about hate and anger to someone, revenge but not literally! And whatever that comes out of my mind. I had kept several diaries (journals & planners) back then and update them as frequent as possible because I really find it fascinating whenever I get to read my entries and laugh about them. It also gives me a sense of fulfillment at times as I felt I became better. I never got tired of writing before I go to bed, not until I was in college where busy times takes place and social networks became popular. I’ve taken for granted my journals and lose time on writing. I was always in front of my laptop all the time. So since, I spend most of my time in the net, I come up to the decision to make an account to blog online. And so from up till now, I tried my best to update my blog like a planner that I have to write on every event that happened to me every single day. It’s my scrapbook of memories!! :D

But even though I’m into online right now, I never gave up my ink and paper. There are still things that only pen can express. After all, thoughts are meant to be written, not to be read. My updates in my blog/journals could just about anything. It could be my means of coping with my emotions (which would be most of the time I believe), my escape route or the expression of random thoughts when my mind starts to float in the air. Writing is for everyone, as long as you’ll be able to express yourself and show your individuality among others. I found something that I love to do. Have you found yours? :)

Here are some photos of my journals/diaries/planners. My old ones are nowhere to be found. :( Where art thou?

My past journals/planners which are gifts from friends except the SB planner. :)
My past journals/planners which are gifts from friends except the SB planner. :)
Gotcha! My 2013 planner.
Gotcha! My 2013 planner.

And I’m still looking for more journals/diaries/planners to collect. :)